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[18 Jun 2009|12:42am] |
maybe im just freaking out or whatever, but i miss alexis like crazy and want to go back to boston. i'm going a week from today to visit, so i guess i'll see how it goes. i still love him so fucking much, and sitting here at home on my ass is making it so much worse.
sometimes i think i'd like to marry him and other times i hate him. if i moved back i'd want to get a studio or one bedroom with him. i should probably discuss all this with him.
am i just bored cause it's awful here so im regressing, or am i really making an awful rash decision to throw away this relationship with a person ive loved more than anyone else ever? ahhh
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Comments: 2 - want love in the afternoon.
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| several moments reflection whist packing to move |
[14 May 2009|08:25pm] |
found in my paper journal that i've just uncovered. dated april 28, 2007:
.....so i've decided something - i am so sick of all the self conscious bullshit that getting to know someone is full of. like, i just want things to be easy + fun + uncomplicated, you know? and i don't want to constantly have to question if i'm smiling too wide or if my hair looks right. cause you know what? i DO smile too wide. and my hair is always a fucking mess. and fuck.
i just want someone to think i'm cool and want to kiss me and stuff. i am cool. i mean, relatively, anyways. like, i can feel like he is cooler than me or something, but he could be thinking the same exact thing about me, you know? we should all just say what's on our fucking minds. like, "hey, sometimes i think about you when i masturbate. i want to know what it feels like to have you inside me."
but it's about more than sex too. i'm just sexually frustrated and i kind of feel like i always am. like, i haven't had good sex in a really long time, and i always feel like whoever i'm dating never has a compatible sex drive. ugh. i just miss having a great connection with someone. back in the beginning when ----- was still my best friend was cool. then he turned into a shit head and started fucking her and shit got so fucked up and honestly, who cheats on people? it's so fucked. seriously.
but about the connection: i mean, i don't want a boyfriend. i don't think. i'm a little too angry for that right now. right now all i can think about is the butterflies i got on my birthday and how badly i want those butterflies back. i've been single for a long time, and i think i've been through the requisite rebounds. i think maybe i'm ready for something more than making out in the backseat of tom's mom's car and fooling around over thanksgiving break (christmas too!)
i'm so manic right now. i wonder if it's the adderol. i can feel my heart beating. it's so fast and hard.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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[07 Apr 2009|05:08pm] |
so this is mostly for my own reference so that i can look at it and get overwhelmed. this is my life for the next few months:
now-may 16: finish up school, tie up loose ends in boston, pack
may 16: graduation
may 17: move everything back to my parents in ny
may 18: breast reduction
may 18 - probably around june 18: recovery, taking it easy, etc
sometimes between june 18 and july 26: go to boston to visit, tie up anymore loose ends, roadtrip to austin to sign lease for apartment for october, move some stuff into storage
july 26-august 30: study abroad in mexico
august 30-september 26: settle back into my parents house for another month
september 26: back to boston for laura and todd's wedding
end of september: tie up loose ends in ny, hop in a truck and move down to texas
GET A JOB, LIVE LIFE ETC ETC
ran this all by my mom and she said it's cool. my parents have a truck, so they are gunna bring it up graduation weekend. i should probably start packing soon?
also i am not sure how i am going to afford all this but my mom said not to worry about it. i love my parents so much!
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Comments: 5 - want love in the afternoon.
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[23 Mar 2009|12:08am] |
I met you at school. In the color darkroom, specifically. You were sort of the king of the color darkroom in those days. I was a Freshman, and I had no idea how to print in color, but for some reason I was attempting to print my seminar final in color anyways.
My roommate, Laura had shown me quickly how to work the color enlarger and do some basic color correcting, but I was more or less clueless when I set myself up to start doing some final printing. Fortunately you were there working on your prints for your Junior portfolio class, I think.
You were totally sweet right away, and I remember being blown away by how much you cared that my prints looked good. Even if you were busy, you'd always come over to my print and suggest how I should adjust the color balance to correct it. And boy, were you good! It would have taken me absolutely forever to fix color problems that you could fix in minutes. You were a real life saver then.
Overnights at school started shortly after we first met, and we both had a lot of work to do. It seemed like most nights, you and I were the only ones there. We spent so many hours talking and getting to know each other while waiting for prints to come out of the processor and helping correct even the tiniest problems in our prints. I intentionally spent more time on prints than I really needed to as a poorly veiled excuse to spend more time in the darkroom with you, and you knew it.
The weird thing was that when I first met you, I was still dating my high school boyfriend, Justin #1. I had picked up that I thought you were flirting with me, and I was feeling that Justin and I weren't going anywhere, so I actually broke up with him to pursue something with you. I was excited.
On the last overnight that semester, you and I were again the only ones in the color darkroom. We got dinner together early in the evening and flirted our way through the night. Around 2 or 3 you asked me if I wanted coffee. I told you yes, even though I don't drink it, and we snuck out of the building in search of a 7/11. After an unsuccessful trip around Kenmore and Newbury St in your truck, we finally found a Store 24 that was open and got some coffee. I actually managed to drink the whole thing even though it was completely disgusting. At 5:30, I had the brilliant idea to try to sneak onto the roof and watch the sunrise, and you were so into it. Surprisingly, we actually made it up there and we were both shocked that the ladder to the roof near the front stairway wasn't locked up, but it wasn't. The sunrise wasn't very impressive since it'd been raining all night, but we could kind of pick some pink light through the clouds. By then I was completely crazy for you and thought you felt the same way.
The next day, my friend John, who I had been absolutely inseparable from that year comes up to me laughing hysterically. "So, Kyle, you wouldn't believe what Justin (#2) just asked me a second ago." Hmmm. "What's that?" I asked. "He wanted to know if I was your boyfriend." John and I both burst into laughter, as John is Gay. John tells me that he told Justin that I was single.
Later that day, I found Justin in the Alt Pro lab, working on his final for that class, and I strike up a well rehearsed conversation with him, casually asking him if he had planned on going to the school sponsored dance party the following week at the Embassy Room over on Lansdowne St. You told me it wasn't really your thing, but that you had been thinking about going, and I shyly asked if you'd like to go with me, and you said yes, taking down my phone number. The next week went by SO slowly.
But you called, and I invited you over to my dorm room to have a couple of drinks before we set out to dance. I'd had one of the older girls who lived in the dorm pick some beer up for us, and you showed up with a bottle of Jagermeister. You warned me that you didn't dance but you'd try your best to get loosened up for me. We left the dorms and did a couple of shots of Jager in your truck on the way over to Kenmore Sq.
We got there, and obviously I couldn't drink, but you asked me what I wanted and bought me drinks anyways. Sapphire and Tonics, which are still my favorite. I think you were drinking Rum and Cokes. Well, you definitely got a little loosened up, but I was only able to drag you onto the dance floor once that night before the party ended. Afterwards you drove me back to my dorm, and I dragged you up to my room.
Somehow I totally lamely convinced you that since we didn't get to do much dancing at the party that you owed me some dances, so I put on some Simon and Garfunkel, you took another shot of your Jager, and we danced. And you were alright at it, despite your insisting how you were.
We'd been getting pretty close as "Cecilia" came on, and just as our mouths were FINALLY gravitating closer for that kiss that was obviously coming, someone knocked on my door. I had sent my roommate over to her boyfriends that night assuming I'd bring you back and need the privacy, so I had no idea who it could be. It ended up being this girl Amanda who lived down the hall, who was being nosy and wondering how our date had gone. I quickly shooed her away, and once the door was shut and the music was back on you finally just went for it and kissed me. Then we made out, and you spent the night. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around. The one remarkable thing I remember about it was that your balls were pretty big. Weird, I know.
We had a couple of dates after that, but for some reason the spark just wasn't there anymore. On the first one we went to the movies and saw "Crash" and then went back to your place and drank and watched tv. It was alright, but the sexual tension wasn't nearly as much as before. After that, we went bowling once, and I totally kicked your ass even though it was my first time ever playing candlepin. You left early because you had to work the next morning.
I went to visit my parents for 2 weeks, and when I came back, you had gotten back together with an ex-girlfriend. I bummed about it for awhile, but ended up having the best summer I've ever had once I got over it. I still consider you one of the hottest guys I've ever hooked up with. I invited you to my senior show, and I hope you come, if only just so you can read this story and realize how much you did mean to me then. Even if it was briefly.
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Comments: 1 - want love in the afternoon.
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[28 Feb 2009|07:34pm] |
yep! again!
I met you Sophomore year in high school. We were in gym class together, and we were assigned to be partners during the dance unit. I didn't know you at all, but I thought you were so cute and cool. I felt so lucky to have been partnered with a Junior! Gosh!
I didn't really see you or hang out with you again until the following year. We were in a bunch of classes with each other. I was just coming off my failed attempt at a relationship with Joel, and you were a logical next step, being another chubby pothead. You were in my psychology class and a couple of art classes. Well, you weren't actually in my art classes, you were taking independent studies in photography that happened to be the same period as my photography 1 class.
I started flirting with you in Mrs. Malloy's room around Halloween. I'd always try to grab the enlarger next to yours when we were in the darkroom together. I was so impressed by your work. The first time I smoked weed was a day I skipped lunch, and I came back for art class. We were in the darkroom together, and no one else was in there. I purposely touched your butt that day.
The first time we hung out outside of school was at the mall with Sara. On the way home we sat in the backseat together while she drove and we made out a little.
Brian loved that I was seeing you, because it made getting weed so much cheaper and easier. It was nice that you liked my best friend as much as I did. We all smoked weed a lot.
I lost my virginity to you shortly afterwards. You were a virgin too, and it was awkward. You played a Sublime cd and Brian and Sara were smoking weed in the living room of your mom's house while we did it. You had bunk beds in your room, so after a failed attempt at doing it on your bed, with you hitting your head over and over, we moved onto the floor. I lost my virginity lying on my back on your shag carpet. Sara walked in on us.
At one point, I got mono from you. All the kids who smoked pot had it at the same time. My mom would make me get up for school every day to go to my AP class (first period) the entire time I was sick, then she'd pick me up and let me come home to sleep and get better. I got an A in AP that year, but did kind of poorly in my other classes.
Then you cheated on me with Sara. After you'd already invited me to your prom and I'd bought a dress. You fucking asshole. I dumped you, and you proceeded to invite her to be your prom date. At the time we were working as partners in our video editing class. Lucky me, John and Paul needed help editing their skateboarding video, so I joined them. Fuck you.
After high school, you went away to art school, and apparently didn't even make it a whole semester. I saw you last Christmas at the mall, you work at GameStop. Cool, guy.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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[25 Feb 2009|01:59am] |
yet again, you know what to do
Back then, it didn't matter that I didn't know you at all. I'd seen you walking around school for a couple of weeks and I was just starting to get "cool." Hell, I didn't even know who any of your friends were, just that I wanted you to be my boyfriend. Beth was in your science class, so I had her ask you if you wanted to be my boyfriend. Apparently you knew who I was at least, because you said yes. It was the last day of seventh grade.
On the way out of school that day, Rachael took a picture of us together so that I'd have one of you all summer. That same picture is actually included in this book. I look like a sweaty mess (June in a NYS public middle school) and you look hilarious with your bleach blond skater boy bowl cut. You held my hand on the walk out to the bus, and we exchanged phone numbers.
And I think we saw each other two or three times that whole summer. When we went back to school, I didn't even know if we were still together. But you were in a bunch of classes with me that year. We started talking again, and I realized that I actually liked you, didn't just think you were some cute guy I saw in the hall. It seemed like you liked me too. But then, somehow, after a couple nights of hour long phone calls and promised hangouts at the mall, I heard you were dating this redhead named Kara. I confronted you about it, and you broke things off with her immediately, and we were officially the hottest couple of middle school.
You were a lot of firsts for me, then. The first guy I cheated on, the first guy who cheated on me, and the first guy I ever really fooled around with, albeit briefly and unsuccessfully. Our tumultuous relationship lasted the better part of or eighth grade year, but we constantly broke up and got back together, so in actuality it was much shorter than that.
You would cheat on me with seventh graders and your friend Mike would write me notes trying to get me back, because your handwriting was so terrible I couldn't ever decipher it. Most of the time it worked, even though that's pathetic. But I felt like the most popular girl in school back when we were together. You were funny and charismatic and everyone wanted to be our friends. Guys would fall all over me when we were broken up, and I was never at a loss for interested parties to help me cheat on you. We felt powerful, as cheesy as that sounds.
And it was great, being with you, then. Spending all weekend sneaking into movie after movie at the mall, or making out in a corner at somebody's birthday party. In the winter we'd cuddle and make out in the back seat on the ski bus, cold and flushed from snowboarding all day.
Then something happened. You decided you'd rather be with the girl you cheated on me with, something that had never happened before. I had been so used to you crawling back to me with your tail between your legs, but it didn't happen that time, and I was devastated. Interestingly enough, you relationship with her didn't last very long at all, then people began to speculate about your sexuality. I don't think anyone's even sure about that now, to be honest. To this day, you're in the top three on my list of "Boys who I've cried over the most." Prestigious.
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Comments: 4 - want love in the afternoon.
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[24 Feb 2009|02:24pm] |
another story from my thesis! please read and give feedback xo
There are a couple of things that remind me of you, no matter what. Even tiny insignificant things leave me stumbling over memories of you, although I don't remember nearly as much as you do. Sometimes when we talk about the past, you recite conversations that we'd had, verbatim. Something I've always found equally creepy and sweetly sincere.
We met a long time before we dated, but I knew you liked me the whole time, and I liked the attention you gave me by stringing you along. The truth was that I was shallow and I knew that I wasn't physically attracted to you, although I was completely in love with your personality.
After a bit of subtle coercion, we ended up getting together. The first time we made out was at Harris Hill in your dad's car while listening to Kiss, Destroyer on cassette. See! I remember that. I bet you thought I forgot because I've forgotten a lot. Well, I remember that anyways.
The other thing I remember was how you gave me the first orgasm I didn't give to myself. Even if it was at Heather's aunt's house while we were all housesitting after seeing the Dismemberment Plan. I don't think I ever told you that you were the first guy to give me an orgasm. You were. I think that's what really sold me on you; your sexual skills.
Which is hilarious, actually. Because I knew that I was more experienced than you. I think you'd only ever had sex once before we got together. Once we were together, we had sex a lot, though. And that was good. Even if it weirded me out that you didn't wear boxers and insisted on always wearing mesh shorts instead. You were so sensitive back then when I made fun of you about them.
Most of our fights were about that. I'd make fun of your weird eccentricities, and you'd be hurt. You and I got into a huge fight when Nikki and I called you salty. What does salty even mean? It was an insult we had made up earlier that night.
When I asked you to write a story for crushpedia, you wrote about the first time we fucked each other. Well, I shouldn't call it "fucked." It was a lot sweeter and more tender than that. The story was cute. I'm still shocked at your ability to correctly recall things that happened almost six years ago.
For a long time after we broke up, we didn't talk. I knew I'd hurt you badly, but we just didn't feel like we were going anywhere to me. I'm not sure why we started talking again. I think I just stopped being awkward around you when I ran into you and struck up a conversation about whatever. I'm sure you remember what.
The cool thing was that it was like we were old friends again. Except we weren't together, so we didn't have that pressure anymore. And I liked being your best friend better, to be honest. And I hope you liked it better that way too. I think you did, since we're still really close.
I like that there are things I see on a daily basis that remind me of you. And I've never been able to look at a pair of mesh shorts the same way since. Even though you did tell me that you've since changed to boxers. You'll always be mesh shorts guy to me.
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Comments: 9 - want love in the afternoon.
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[24 Feb 2009|02:32am] |
excerpt from the text in one of my encyclopedias (for my senior thesis). please read and leave feedback! love you all <3
Let me tell you something I've never told anyone before. Are you ready?
You're the reason I moved to Boston.
Are you surprised? Because I'm sure that doesn't make any sense. And I'm sure you don't remember the conversation that we had about it. In fact, I'm absolutely positive you don't. Let's rewind, start at the beginning, because you were interesting, and you were important. Which isn't to say that you aren't anymore. But let's get on with the story.
I met you on some stupid summer day when I was at the skatepark with Brian. We'd been going there a lot lately, mostly to score weed from the Elmira skate-douches that hung out all day. I'd run back to his car in the parking lot to fix my makeup or grab my lip gloss or something equally unnecessary. It was so fortunate that I did, otherwise I'd have never even met you at all.
You were in the backseat of Jon Smith's camaro, and you looked like this guy named Steve my friend Sara had introduced me to about a week earlier, so I waved, and you waved back. Once Jon parked and you got out, I realized that I didn't know you, and was embarrassed. You didn't care, and came right up to me with your friend Jesse and introduced yourselves. Jesse said I was cute and asked for my phone number, then the two of you left.
Jesse called me and we hung out, but you came too because he was just visiting you from Florida. After Jesse went back home, you and I kept hanging out because you were new to town, having just left your mom's place in Florida to move in with your dad up north. I had a crush on you right away (and how could I not have? you were adorable, and so so sweet!) Since you weren't in school, you could hang out pretty much all of the time, and we both loved going to the thrift stores all over to buy great new (old) clothes.
Eventually I asked you to my schools homecoming dance, and you agreed to be my date. I was so elated, and immediately decided that we would go to the thrift stores to find our outfits and be the best dressed at the dance (which we eventually were.) We planned out exactly what you needed to get to complete your outfit. We were going for something that looked like what the guys in The Hives wore, all black with some white accents, and set out to get what you needed. I found a fabulous 40s purple cocktail dress to go with it.
At one point, I think I was working, and I set your out with Sara to complete the look (I think there were a few pieces that we were still looking for and the dance was fast approaching.) After that day, I asked Sara if the two of you had spoken about me at all. I was crushing on you pretty hard, but had no idea how you felt about me, besides some cute flirting. She explained to me that you two had discussed it, and that you said you were only interested in me as a friend. I was disappointed, but still looking forward to the dance, so never brought up the subject with you.
The dance came, and I was so nervous. My friend Emily came over to help me get ready, and I honestly looked great. My hair was pinned up in perfect red ringlets, my makeup was subtle with some shocking bright red lipstick, and the dress fit like a glove. When we met up with you, you were just as handsome as I'd hoped you would look. I reached into my bag to grab the last piece of your outfit: my white belt. We were perfect.
After grabbing some quick dinner at some boring restaurant that it isn't important that I remember, we were off to the dance. I'd had you figured for someone who wasn't too interested in dancing, and I was right. I did catch a few interesting looks from you throughout the night, and you looked more than pleased when I asked you to come dance with me towards the end of the night.
I even remember exactly what song it was, which is crazy. The song was O-Towns, "All or Nothing." I was a secret O-Town fan (hilarious, I know) and I sang the entire song into your ear quietly while we slow danced. Afterwards, you looked at me very seriously and told me that I looked "unbelievably pretty" that night, and I told you that you were "completely handsome." Then we left.
First we went to drop off Sara and her boyfriend at his house. We smoked a couple of bowls there, and all of his friends loved you because you grew your own. Then, before dropping off Emily and her boyfriend, Emily and I got into a discussion about how boys are confusing. You disagreed with us repeatedly, saying that it was us girls who were most confusing. Obviously we both knew we were talking about each other.
After you dropped Emily off, we drove to my house. We didn't talk much in the car, mostly I just stared at you. Once we got there, we mumbled a bunch of "ihadagoodnights" and "seeyousooncallmes" and said goodnight. I hesitated for an unbelievably long time at the car door, but you made no move to kiss me, even though I was dying for you to.
After that we hung out less and less. I have to admit, I hesitated calling you many times because I was sick of being led on without knowing if you felt the same way. Eventually I heard you moved back to Florida to live with your mom, and I realized how much I missed you.
A month or two after you left, you called me and told me that there were some things you needed to get off your chest. You explained how you had liked me since you met me and that on the day you'd hung out with Sara, she had told you that I was only interested in being friends, so you'd backed off. You explained the frustration you'd felt the night of the dance, and hadn't known if I'd wanted you to kiss me, and your fear of hurting our friendship if you did. Then you told me how much you missed me.
And there was nothing either of us could do at that point. So we sat it out. You kept your distance because talking to me bummed you out. I understood that. I pined away for you, hopelessly trying to figure out a way to bring us back together, if only for the closure we could get by finally kissing.
During one of our few conversations during that time when I was still in high school, you mentioned that a friend of yours had just moved up to Boston, and you were thinking about moving up there too. I had just applied to a bunch of different schools (a few in Boston) and immediately knew where I'd be going for college if I got in. I've never told anyone that you're the real reason my decision was so easy to make. Not even you.
Well, surprise surprise, I moved to Boston and you stayed in Florida. We still kept in touch, though vaguely. I'd hear from you every month or so, you'd wish me well, we'd both wish we could hang out, and nothing would come of it.
Finally I found a reason to be in Florida. I was visiting my friend Paris is Boca Raton one summer, and you were living in Gainesville at the time, which is too bad because if you'd been at your moms, you'd have only been a half hour away. You still promised to try and drive down to see me while I was there, but it didn't happen.
A year and a half later, my roommate and I planned to go to Pompano Beach for spring break to stay at my cousin's timeshare. Fortunately, you were back in south Florida again, and you promised that we'd get too hang out this time. I literally was in a state of constant panic attack the entire drive from Boston to South Florida. Somehow we got there, and you called me and asked the address where we were staying. I called Emily to freak out to her about the fact that you were coming over right then. I figured she would get it since we'd known each other during the first round of you in my life.
I screamed a little and hung up with her when i saw you pull into the parking lot. You ran over to me, picked me up, spun me around and kissed my forehead. It was wonderful. I looked at you for a minute. Well, you'd definitely gotten fatter, but that wasn't a huge deal because I had too. Other than that you still looked pretty much the same.
We had some drinks at the timeshare, then you took us to your friends house for a little party. We hung out with everyone for a little while, then snuck away to blow a couple of lines of coke and get to talking. We ended up walking a couple of circles around your friends neighborhood. You did most of the talking, which I needed. You'd never been as open about what had gone on as I had, so getting to listen to you go on and on was great.
You explained how you wouldn't have left in the first place if you'd known how I felt and how you'd liked me from the beginning too, but you'd been too shy. And how badly you'd wanted to kiss me that night of the dance. It was weird actually hearing it from you, because it'd been a fantasy to hear it for so long. You held my hand.
When we circled around back to your friends house, you picked me up and put me on the hood of your car and said you weren't shy anymore. Then made out with me, which was nice, and definitely a long time coming. Then you drove my roommate and I back to our timeshare.
We couldn't get to sleep that night (thanks to the coke, I'm sure) so we snuck out of the room and went down to the beach to fool around. We were just getting around to the good stuff when we were interrupted by a bum and decided maybe we should go back to the room. While picking up the towel we were laying on, we lost the room key in the sand. We never did find it.
I expected a lot from you after that awesome first day we had back together, but everything went downhill from there. It came up that not only were you unemployed, but you were also basically homeless and couch surfing or living on the beach most days. You crashed with us every night we were there but never helped pay for food or alcohol and you snored terribly and took up the whole bed. Not only that, but you never made another move on me or talked to me about anything of substance after that first night. I was totally disappointed.
The one wonderful thing you did say to me was that you had missed me so much when you left that you had worn that belt from the homecoming dance until it fell apart. You even showed me the holes that the pyramids on the belt had made into your favorite shirt from wearing the belt so much.
I loved you, Joel. You've shaped a lot of how I view my own relationships and how I approach men. A lot of things about you were overly romantic and idealized, which unfortunately put you up on a pedestal that you were unable to live up to. If I could be 16 again and date you then, I would in a minute, but the man you have become is no longer appealing to me in any way, however I do still find myself drawn to impossible long distance romances. I'm so grateful that I was able to see you again though, and appreciate the closure that I did get. I hope you got the same.
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Comments: 7 - want love in the afternoon.
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[28 Jan 2009|10:36pm] |
i told a friend i'd post this here to help her get started. she's writing and editing what will primarily be a user submitted blog which will be in a sense like the infamous "i bang the worst dudes" blog, but also very different (and no pictures of the dudes on hers.)
here's from the welcome post on the blog:
hello everyone!
i’m very excited to bring you this new blog, a multimedia extension of the work i am doing my final year as an art student in the boston area. what i need here, in order to make this a truly interesting and entertaining experience for my readers, my classmates and myself, is submissions from those reading. in order for that to happen, i suppose i should fill you in on what i’m looking for here.
this blog will feature short stories (preferably anywhere from 1-6 paragraphs) written by our readers about a past romantic relationship (in whatever form it existed.) this includes, but is not limited to: crushes, sexual partners, and significant others. these stories should be honest, happy, sad, disgusting, heart breaking, exhilarating and most importantly, anonymous. once submitted, these stories will be edited for content and privacy (but mostly just privacy!) and will be posted within 24-48 hours.
i hope to get this up and running within the next couple of days, and i hope your submissions enable me to do that. i intend for this blog to be a place you can go to and read stories that will make you smile, cringe, cry or feel nostalgic for your own past loves.
please send me emails for submissions or any questions you may have about our new blog! you can reach me at: crushpedia@gmail.com
thanks!
love, crushpedia
anyways, if you're willing to help out, please shoot her an email with your story. there's not much up on the blog yet, but the website is crushpedia.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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[12 Jan 2009|07:33pm] |
everything is coming together and i'm starting to feel like a grown up. it's scary.
right now i'm taking a january intensive course, then 15 credits for spring semester and it's all done. scary. i just registered for fall master's classes at harvard's extension school. the way that it works is actually really sweet. you take 3 classes without being enrolled, and as long as you're overall GPA is 3.0 or higher you're automatically admitted into the harvard grad program of your choice, no application or GRE's required. it's weird to be thinking that a year from now i will most likely be a for real harvard student. for now i'm kinda a faker, but i am taking classes there, so only a little.
also, after talking to my advisor about my going to grad school, she recommended that i try to find myself some summer field study in archaeology in order to prepare myself for the courses i will be taking (and have a bit of an advantage over my peers.) i applied to a couple of abroad programs through UCLA's archaeology program, in mexico and peru, and i'm psyched to hear back from that.
but anyways, undergrad graduation is may 16, and my breast reduction has been scheduled for may 18. i can't believe all the things that are happening so quickly now, but it's great! before i know it, it will be senior show (april or may sometime), graduation, boobs, abroad, harvard.
i'm just so psyched.
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Comments: 2 - want love in the afternoon.
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[10 Dec 2008|11:09pm] |
haven't updated in awhile, but some big news today!
well first, the annoying news. i spent the majority of the day first at the mt auburn hospital walk-in clinic and then the mt auburn emergency room after being told in the clinic i was too sick to be treated by them.
symptoms included, in order, beginning sunday afternoon:
severe stabbing back pain, terrible migranes (which i never get), fever, cold sweats, pressure on my eardrums, painful sore throat worst i can remember, no appetite, dry heaving
after being sent to ER, i was given an embarassing face mask to wear, was put on a fluids IV to perk me up a little and given about 5 uncomfortable throat, nose and ear swabbings. after being cleared for everything they tested me for, they concluded it was a very highly contagious viral throat infection (viral ie not treatable by antibiotics) was given a prescription to some weighty painkillers and a cough syrup reminiscent of a super chloraseptic. my boyfriend has been taking such good care of me, and its great. bad news, i miss all my finals including my senior portfolio crit, due to my severe contagiousness. i know they can't fail me for being sick since i have a drs note from the er doc, but i am stressing nonetheless.
after being home, eating some soup and hanging with alexis, on separate chairs :(, my mom called to let me know that the breast reduction surgery i saw a plastic surgeon about when i was home for thanksgiving was 100% approved by my health insurance, and i have a date scheduled in may. woo hoo.
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Comments: 2 - want love in the afternoon.
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[12 Nov 2008|12:27am] |
i acidentially have goth hair and it makes me sad.
i hate there being bad people in my life and i hate that i have such a hard time calling people out on being awful to me. ugh. i need to stop being so nice to these people.
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Comments: 1 - want love in the afternoon.
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[04 Sep 2008|04:24pm] |
so i am bored and don't have to leave for work for another 20 minutes and i realized that i haven't not only updated this in forever, but also, that i talk to a lot of you so rarely that you probably don't know what's been going on so i figured i'd fill you all in as much as i can in the next 20 mins.
on the 7th, alexis and i will have been together for 5 months now, which is pretty awesome. i like almost everything about this dude, and always have a bunch of fun with him, and he's just all around really really great. and a babe. mostly the great part is what's important, though.
i'm still not completely settled into my new place, and i went back to school this week, so i'm not sure when exactly it'll happen, but i like my new roommates a lot and i feel really happy and comfortable in this place, not only with them, but also with the location and the landlords. no one will ever compare to best roomie ever, laura, but i'm feeling relatively close, which rules.
my job is still great for the most part. it's pretty exhausting sometimes, but my coworkers are great and so are the majority of our patrons, and it's nice to work somewhere that is as well known as charlie's. i can say i work there and people always know where i'm talking about. plus all the girls that work there are babes, so it's nice to be known as one of the charlie's babes.
um, it's been a month since i sold my car, and that rules too. it's nice to not feel used or taken advantage of for my car. if people call me to hang out it's cause they want to hang out, not cause they want a ride somewhere, and it's nice to know who the people who really gave a shit about me were. in place of my car, i've been riding my bike, which has been great in lots of ways, but mostly in getting me back into shape, which it has.
i've been back in school for 3 days and been to 3 classes. only one more i haven't been to yet, which is on monday. then next semester i only have 3 classes to graduate and i'm going to take 2 grad courses at harvard extension school, which should rule.
life is falling into place and i feel a lot less scattered and helpless than i had just a few months ago. i'm feeling less at odds with people i need to interact with daily and i'm feeling sufficiently respected by those people, which is a nice change.
somehow i managed to pay down most of my leftover credit card debt from when i lived in buffalo and only have in the low 300s left on my last card, which i'll have cleared up by the end of the month, and i can finally start getting my credit back in order.
i spent awhile at home this past weekend, but not really at home, at the lake. it's nice cause it gives me the ability to be completely incommunicado since my cell doesn't work there. it's nice to just sit on the dock and get a sunburn and play board games with my parents and be completely technology free.
life is good basically.
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Comments: 1 - want love in the afternoon.
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[02 Sep 2008|12:08pm] |
so, my boyfriend alexis had a new roommate move into his place the other day because schoemann moved to nyc. i used to work with his new roommate before she got fired from charlie's and was already not a huge fan of her because she is kinda a raging alcoholic irresponsible bitch. i know alexis wasn't that pleased when he found out she was going to be the new roommate.
so, we're asleep in his bed this morning, it's about 3am, and we both wake up to the sound of someone opening his bedroom door. all the sudden, his new roommate comes barging into the room and collapses, blackout drunk, onto his desk. he gets up to help her up and send her to her own room, and she collapses in his bed next to me and tells him shes staying. he says no, there isn't enough room , and tells her to get up. she mumbles something about him just sleeping there too and starts rubbing his leg, right in front of me. finally i'd had enough and just yelled at her "what the fuck are you doing, sarah?" and she finally realizes i was in the bed too. and says sorry and runs away.
fuck this girl for being a fucking messy trainwreck. fuck this girl for drunkly coming onto my boyfriend right in front of me and fuck her for just being a piece of shit. i feel awful that alexis has to live with her. i feel awful that it's gonna be uncomfortable for me to be around there since i constantly want to punch this girl. who the fuck does this kinda thing, and who the fuck is 24 years old and still getting retarded black out drunk like this? poor alexis had to wake up at 6am for work, and this bitch totally ruined both of out nights sleep.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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[25 Aug 2008|11:18am] |
so i finally made my schedule for next semester, which, with work is actually not too bad.
sunday:
work (bar) 11-6
monday:
senior seminar 8-12:10
french 1-2:15
shaping western culture 2:30-3:45
tuesday:
work 5-close
wednesday:
french 1-2:15
shaping western culture 2:30-3:45
thursday:
advanced printing 12:20-4
work 5-close
friday:
work 10:30-6
saturday:
off
so i only have one day off a week, but that's cool i guess.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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[17 Jul 2008|05:31pm] |
moving to somerville in two weeks. rent is so cheap, so close to work, so psyched.
boyfriend going to germany for about a million years. actually two weeks. gonna miss him a bunch, but fortunately it'll give me time to get settled into the new place without him around to distract me.
OH! and tennessee vacation starting a week from today! hooray.
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Comments: 3 - want love in the afternoon.
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[07 Jun 2008|01:25pm] |
staying on the upper east side at sarah's parent's apartment, i feel like a celebrity, or at least someone mildly important.
new york is hot and fun and i love it here, and i love my friends that live here. i'm ready for something new, and when i'm finally finished with school, i think it'll be new york.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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[09 May 2008|03:26pm] |
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so, apparently when i'm really happy i am great at neglecting this thing, so in case anyone was wondering, things have been really, really, really great.
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Comments: want love in the afternoon.
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